I Say Mechro, You Say Mancer!
by Kyte27
Summary: Want to hear a story? About an aspiring Vault Hunter and her Deathtrap to create her very own legend and become a true warrior? And no, this is not a Japanese anime. No more TV for you, you dirty little orphan.


...

..Its cold...

Ah, dammit, why is it so cold? And I feel really sore all over. Like, holy crap I think even my socks hurt. I think I'm laying in snow? I can hardly hear anything except a scraping sound and severe winds. The winds are practically stabbing at my arm-

Oh god, oh GOD, why can't I feel my left arm? No no no, that's my hammer-slamming hand! And on the side, sometimes flipping off hand because I think I have a weird growth where the finger on my left hand is a whole lot longer than the one on my right hand, but still, OH GOD WHYYYY-

..Oh yeah, I replaced it with a cybernetic arm. Damn, near-death experiences really get to you.

Okay, so I was on the train heading to a Hyperion base to become a Vault Hunter but then I saw Hyperion Loaders attack. Naturally, summoned Deathtrap to take care of them which did such a _sick_ job melting those suckers. I remember running through several carts and when I got to the second cart, I saw some guys already opening the door to the first one. Think they were other Vault Hunters. Next thing I remember is hearing what sounded like Handsome Jack, then explosions then-

Goddammit, its too cold to fully remember crap! First thing's first: open eyes.

I slowly opened my eyes, my vision still blurry. From what I can make out, I see parts of the train I was in. Hard to tell, everything is blurred in white with my vision still out of whack. Though something is moving in front of me, and sounds like the source of the scraping sound?

"Great, another dead Vault Hunter. Jack's been busy," the electronic-sounding voice said.

That really sounded robotic.

My vision's starting to kick in. Time for my eagle vision to go to work!

Its definitely a small android and was still shoveling through the snow just in front of me. Small, scrawny limbs, rectangular shape, an antenna at the very top with a green light, and the voice that sounds like it would make the most patient monk in the known universe to hang himself.

"A..CL4P-TP..?" I practically whisper out.

The glowing blue eye motions towards me. "Wait a minute! You're not dead!"

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

The robot rolled its tiny wheel towards me, tossing a small shovel away to the side. It seemed happy to see me.

"YES! Now I can get off this glacier! Claptrap, your metaphorical ship has finally came in!"

Starting to gain strength again...urge to bitch-slap Claptrap unit giving me strength. I slowly begin to rise up. Fortunately, my cybernetic arm is definitely strong enough to push me up. As I stand up completely straight up, I look down at the unit. How is a Claptrap unit still existing? Could've sworn Hyperian's CEO, Handsome Jack, forever closed down the product line and replaced them with the best. And somehow, to my disbelief, there's one right here, on Pandora, in front of me.

Yeah, today's shit for sure.

Claptrap looks up at me and says, "Allow me to introduce myself, I-"

"You're the CL4P-TP steward bot, also known as a Claptrap unit," I interrupted, wrapping my arms around myself to try to get some sort of warmth. Wish I installed a heater in this arm, but who could've known there was actual freakin' ice in the borderlands.

"Wow, you heard of me! This is great! Another fine addition to my group of friends! All one of them!" the unit excitedly says. "Here, I've got something for you."

Earmuffs? Hot cocoa? Specifically made by dad somehow?

I watched as Claptrap pulls out a device from a frozen corpse. Wonderful, its like Christmas.

"Here, take this ECHO communicator that I totally didn't loot from one of these corpses!" the steward bot says as he gestures the communicator towards me. Keeping my flesh arm under my opposite arm, I take the device with my metal arm when Claptrap look surprised. At least, I think he's surprised? I don't know, I just see small flaps above his arms just stand up so I figure that's like eyebrows when surprised? I don't even know, let's just go with that.

Turning the device on, I watched the small screen flicker as it starts to sync up. Health module, experience point module (what is this, a video game?), and the digital map display. According to the health module, I'm at a 10. And the red bar is flickering. I'm definitely near dead right now. That is pretty awesome and yet bad because if I let alone trip I fracture, like, my life - even more awesome!

Hooking the ECHO communicator to the side of my belt loop, I went to thank Claptrap but he's already gone up ahead. I start to walk, but having such hard trouble against this wind. Its almost as if I'm under water, pushing against the currents. I guess not only does Pandora actually have a tundra but even blizzards. Catching up to Claptrap will be the bit of a struggle.

"Man, this is great," the robot says, "now that I've met with a mighty Vault Hunter, I can finally join the resistance in Sanctuary, take vengeance against Jack for killing my product line, and repair my central processor so I can stop thinking out loud!"

Sounds like he's had a lot of time to think on this.

"I wonder what it's like to have a belly button?" he then adds on.

_Too _much time to think about.

"So, Claptrap, why are you out here? In the freezing cold?" I ask him.

The android turns around in a 360 and continues to tread on as I followed. "Oh, that's because I belonged to a Bandit leader out here and I escaped before Hyperion troops got to their camp in search of remaining Claptrap units. I know what you're thinking: out in the freezing cold, barely functioning in a makeshift igloo with robotic tears rusting against my metal body as I cry for hours and hours, desperately waiting for maybe the chance of living Vault Hunters from train wrecks over and over - this Claptrap is brilliant! And handsome, too!"

"I, uh, guess?" I mutter out. He better not be hitting on me just because I have a metal arm.

_Hello? Are you able to hear me? Please, stay calm._

What the hell? I hear a voice coming from my ECHO communicator. This voice was that of a woman's, and it was almost soothing to hear. A pleasant change from hearing the screeching voice of Claptrap anyway. Doesn't seem that Claptrap is picking up on this so I hold up the communicator. To my surprise, I actually see a digital image of a beautiful woman on it. Her hair is blowing around and her eyes really stand out. She looked out of this world.

_I'll explain everything soon, but know this - you're alive for a reason, and I... am here to help you._

As abruptly as she appeared, she faded away. No signal or source of where it came from.

I'm alive for a reason? She's here to help me? This sounds all too confusing. I need to figure out what's going on. I look up ahead, and I start to see something beyond the blizzard. A massive heap of ice, surrounded in junk and pieces of savaged train parts. I deduct that this must be Claptrap's home in this snow. His very own oasis. Of junk.

Claptrap stops suddenly, spinning around towards me.

"Well done! Your ability to walk short distances without dying will be Handsome Jack's downfall!" he declares as he turns back around and goes towards the door of his shack.

Achievement Unlocked: Walking Short Distances Without Dying. Another to add to my awesomeness.

After mentally placing that in my Wall of Sweetness, I walk with Claptrap into his home. Inside was ice everywhere with even more heaps of junk. But what was more disturbing was that there were bodies of people and shells of Claptrap models. It was really haunting. Friggin A, but haunting. I quickly sat down on a makeshift chair and scoot close by the fire the bot must have made. I had to admit, this robot knew how to survive with little means. With his AI and probably learning from the Bandit camp he was at, he knew what to do. The CL4P-TP - a real work of technology. Maybe this really could be the start of something - my very own badass legend.

"Hey wanna hear my new dubstep song I wrote? Uunz, uunz uunz, uunz, uunz, uuuunz, uunz-uunz DROP...Uuuuuuuunze shree shree uunz!" the bot half-assed sung.

Oh sweet Jesus, why didn't I die?

* * *

_Hiya, hope you liked this so far! I'll be skipping along parts of the main story, covering mainly important parts though. I may add new bits here and there such as missions as I hope to match the witty humor we know and love of Borderlands. Let me know if you like it!_


End file.
